so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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