NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
