Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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