tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
