Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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