im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
