her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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