I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My vagina is very pro this idea
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
