I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
