Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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