the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
