I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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