Ambien. No doubt about it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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