I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
