drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They have beer where we have blood.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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