Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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