Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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