I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
