She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
