i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
