Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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