I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
