guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
