i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
