drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
