Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
