i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
