He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
whose parrot is this?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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