I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My feet surprised me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
