I cannot find my penis.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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