I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
