im six kinds of drunk right now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
