if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
