apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize