I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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