So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
