idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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