it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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