He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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