I will die if light touches me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
