Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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