I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
