Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
