How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
