I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
