my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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