Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you would pick up someone in the library
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
