She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
