A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
