Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Randomize
