He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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