At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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