and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize