I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
