No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
