he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
