so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
