I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
