So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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