names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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