Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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