she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
