The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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