Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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