addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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