Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
