my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hippo gnu deer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
