He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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