It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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