Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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