Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
