I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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