Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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