What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
