I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
