So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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