I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
