Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
smell my finger.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
