Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
