i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
