sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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