You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
