mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
there is puke in my bra ... again
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