He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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