google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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