life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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