Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
