My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
