I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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