He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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