I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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