The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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