i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
