you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
