OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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