I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
