sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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