Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
