I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i will never coherently bang her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
