My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Everclear isn't food dammit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize