you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
